Now to the Change part, which is the Life part, because yeah, yeah, “Change is the only constant in life.” Yeesh, we know this and do it every day as best we can. There are the days when everything goes ‘well’ – whatever that means – and it’s easy to talk about smelling the roses, savoring the journey, and just ‘Be – ing’. You may try to replicate that for the next day and the next, but this is when you realize you really can’t and shouldn’t so precisely. “Have a nice day…or not,” a friend and I have begun to say, to turn on its head that programming that Nice and Good and Fine look a certain way and are what we strive for.

Dad was right about life being a bit Russian Roulette and that we can’t know the good days without having the shxx ones. So I guess I subscribe to the, “It’s all good.” Or not. I’m really loving this “or not” thing to take the edge and Shoulds off of life, because there are other days that are just not fun.

Like yesterday, when an innocent comment like, “I wouldn’t do that” lands with a thud and I have to take a breath to get out of the “Can’t you do anything right!?” file. When you get an invitation to a “bring your swimsuit” bbq and in that off-handed “Hey, bring your friend (whose name I can’t remember)” way. When a conversation that starts as “What do you think about…” turns into wrangling and then to “I feel like a punching bag and can’t talk to you anymore” and finishes out the day with “Guaranteed we’re not going to talk tomorrow.” When the high point of your day is returning a toilet seat to Target. When your sister says the words “family trip” and “Bali” all in the same sentence.

Physical exertion, there wasn’t much, but I would certainly call it a ‘heavy-lifting’ or according to my British sparring partner, a “fxxx-all” day. Essentially it was one of those days when buttons get inadvertently pushed over and over, and memory files are yelling and reacting to each other, and it would have been easy to let the broken record play “Life’s a Bitch, and Then You Die.” The hard feelings could have really set in with each of us making assumptions and decisions about the other.

This is then where the freaking hard work (or not) comes in, all the hours and practice that the magician puts in behind the scenes, deep down, in plain view, wherever it needs to happen to make the Show …. well … magical. Stay tuned.