I started this entry way before Lockdown, noticing that I was very happy to not have any social obligations and get “all dressed up” just for myself. You know…to do that Self-Care stuff like:
- Getting out of my pajamas and putting on Big Girl pants
- Then “putting my face on” without checking, “Am I actually going to see anyone today?”
- Taking time for that Siesta without first railing that it should be “mandated.”
As you may notice, my bar is pretty low. Pedicures, retail shopping therapy and massage weren’t even on the main menu, waiting for an upgrade from Frivolity to Need. That’s why my nose wrinkles at my Mind’s insistence that I don’t feel a wee bit pathetic about the resolution.
Self-Care? Really?! my Body says. You wouldn’t know it if it bit you in the ass.
Yes, it’s another new buzz phrase that the Mind has comes up with, like Mindfulness.
It’s a little bait-and-switch game that my brain is still running, teasing my Body into believing I’ll figure out what the rules to put it into my regimen to make things all better. Shoulds like:
- Scheduling a break or nap into my day
- Going to the ocean to soak my feet (Damn, forgot to do that today)
- Being “gentle” with myself and going with the flow
The beta version of this game was a disaster. I felt like Chicken Little with the sky falling all the time. Like I just wasn’t getting it.
Turns out what my Body wanted was a more human structure for my life…instead of a steel rod, a skeleton with joints and mobility and fine motor skills. Now that’s a concept. And then instead of allowing my spine to stiffen into itself, to keep noticing and allowing myself to go with the flow. Backbone and then all those subtle things my Body felt and my Mind couldn’t wrap its brain around. So I brain-hacked Descartes: I feel therefore I am.
I didn’t even get to the social retardation piece but I’m done for now. “That,” a good friend had the habit of saying, “is for another piece of paper.”
Fighting for Happiness 